Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Little Tip

You know that guy who sits next to you in Maths? No, not the really annoying one on your right, but the still-slightly-annoying guy on your left?

Never, ever, try to get him to call you Malvina.


No matter how much you love the name.

Known as Melvin since Year 8.

(P.S. Go for Marvin instead. It's a much cooler name.)

Tuesday, 12 November 2013

I Guess I Love Random Words

Dice: Dice are nice, aren't they? There are normal dice, which you roll and you get a result. Generally they are 6-sided with dots representing the numbers from 1 to 6.

If I roll and get a two, you will succumb to my powers and become a spambot, spamming everywhere with everything. Including but not limited to this blog. If I get any other number, I'll just ask nicely.


Damn. It was a four.

Okay, pretty please will you share this blog with people? (Dependent on whether you like it or not - if you find it a heap of rubbish, you're only obligated to tell me why, so I can see if you've got a point.)

Well, that's dice for you. A sixth of a chance for each side.

Roulette: Another thing that's slightly chancy. This is getting too close to gambling. And I will let it. If I had a roulette wheel, it would not be the standard wheel. Instead of numbers 0 to 36, it would have other numbers. More interesting numbers. Root 2, pi, tau, e, i, etc. because that would make it more fun, wouldn't it?

Err... guys?


Fog: What I am left in now you're all gone. And it's miserable.

Mint: I don't believe in homeopathy. It sounds ridiculous, and works just as well as any placebo. That includes tic-tacs. So, the medicinal value on your taking two homeopathic pills every day is the same value as me taking two tic-tacs a day. And I win, because I get the mints.

Friday, 1 November 2013

Speaking And Listening

As part of my English GCSE, I had to partake in a couple of Speaking and Listening assessments, to test if I could listen to presentations given by classmates and go through the trauma of talking to 30-odd students, with a loud minority and a decent (but somewhat talkative) majority.

This is the nightmare of the first presentation.

From an early age speaking has never been one of my greatest attributes. I was completely non-verbal at nursery (so how they figured I knew my shapes and numbers and colours I'll never know), but at home I would gabble piles of invisible garbage, most likely in 'carrot language' (a language I made up but the name makes no sense seeing as a carrot cannot actually converse in any sort of language except 'Help me! I'm going to be eaten!' language).
Later on, I I had anxiety about approaching people I wasn't familiar with and groups of people, which never helped with the regular occurrence of 'get into groups, please' and my strong wish to socialise. (I was once told I was freaking people out when really, I was just trying to gather the courage to join in, as well as spot an opening where I could join in.) Even when it comes to group conversations these days, it's pretty hard to join in because I can't really detect when someone's coming to a close, but the other people in the group can and so are quicker to it.

Back to the presentation. Before we started to work on it we were taught stuff about speaking and listening in general. This was what the presentation was to be about. Then we were led to a computer room  to work on the presentation. In pairs.

We were the last pair to be paired. I felt he would be all right to work with (Because selective memory makes a bitch of us all sometimes) and he was the one that suggested it in the first place. I'll call him Aaron from now on.  That first lesson was a pretty good example of collaboration and being co-operative. Well, apart from the loud minority being a pain, but then again, when are they anything else?

But by the end of the preparation sessions, things had taken on a different turn. Aaron was now as collaborative as an out-of-control fire is to a fireman, and he had declared that he was not going to speak at all during the presentation. There was a slide where we were supposed to talk about our own experiences and had both our names on, and I decided to keep that there, just in case.

The presentation day came. I went to English as usual, and different people were called upon at different times to present. I spent most of that lesson thinking "I hope it's not me next... I hope it's not me next... Oh, it's those two. Safe. I hope it's not me next..."

In retrospect, I really should have hoped to be next - the waiting was as agonising as rubbing your body over with a cactus, and after it was done it would be over. Eventually, after everyone had said everything you could possibly say about how we speak and what influences that, it was our turn.

The few moments between being set up and starting were filled with anxiety and looking at this bunch of assorted students. The class felt more like an auditorium rather than a normal bunch of students.

It began.

I stumbled my way through the presentation, clumsily talking while trying my best not to look at the blue sea of carpet below me. I did all of the force times distance. (Force times distance = Work Done) It came to the slide about our own experiences, and I talked about mine. When Aaron's name popped up, he refused to speak about it.

At the end I was given a passing grade and some feedback.

He got a U.

PS: Like this? Share it!

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Monday, 2 September 2013

Another Quick Letter

To The Microsoft Word Clippy Thing:

I just saw an enlarged picture of you.

You're scarier than a horror movie.

Thank God you don't exist any more.


Friday, 30 August 2013

A Quick Letter

To the person under or near-under my window:


Your throbbing bass-line is driving me nuts. It's as bad as a shrill fire-alarm.

And you can get away from a fire-alarm.

Please stop.


(P.S. You just did? Thanks.)

Thursday, 22 August 2013

Playing with Sims: Free Will

What is Clara doing?

Answer: She's diving into a rubbish dump. And I thought her brother was the one who'd do anything for money. And now she really needs a shower.

Not that her dive wasn't fruitless, mind. She found a couple of items in there that had some monetary worth. So I sold them. I then send her home for that shower.

I let my Sims have a high free will, which means that they might end up doing things like this from time to time. But with no free will it wouldn't be all that interesting. I don't know why she chose to scrum through all of that trash but I can only presume she was bored.

Justin has already come home.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Playing With Sims: Moving In

This is Justin and Clara's new house:

You have the basics for surviving here, as well as a computer, an easel, and a baseball. But our siblings are going to need jobs.

As Justin is interested in getting into Athletics he'll want to get a job at the stadium. I send him off there to see what he can get.

Clara has a few places to get a part-time job from, but one particular place catches her eye: the bookstore. She goes there to see what she can get. It's not the best job in the world she gets, but working on the cash register will bring in the Simoleons (in-game currency).

Justin is also in luck. The stadium needs a few more rabid fans (don't ask me why) and they've given one of these positions to him. They both start on Monday. And Justin decides to start chatting with his new boss on the phone the moment he leaves the stadium!

Apparently using technology is way better than talking face to face just in that building.

Sunday, 4 August 2013

Playing with Sims: Justin and Clara

This is Justin. Justin Tombs.

Justin is a Sim from The Sims 3 who I created. Instead of assigning him traits that I want him to have, I've got the game to randomly assign him 5 traits. What are traits, anyway? Well, they're character behaviours that means your Sim may act in a certain way on their own or with others.

Justin has:

Athletic: This means that he will pick up the Athletic skill more easily than most other Sims.
Coward: Meaning he is scared of practically everything. This is one I would love to see in action because I haven't ever assigned it to a Sim before.
Kleptomaniac: I can't believe I haven't played with this one, either! It means he'll occidentally 'borrow' things from time to time.
Loner: Not actually a fan of the social world, Loners can enjoy being with themselves.
Mooch: He can get food and money from neighbours. I haven't played with this one much, either.

Sims have Lifetime Wishes, something they will strive for for all of their adult lives. Generally, these come in the form of getting high positions in certain careers or maxing out certain skills. There are other ones as well.

Justin wants to become a Superstar Athlete, which is a high position in the Athletics track. Good luck with that!

A one-person household would be dull, though. This is Clara:

Clara's random traits are:

Bookworm: She enjoys reading books.
Flirty: She is more likely to be successful when it comes to romance and she likes it.
Hopeless Romantic: She REALLY wants romance!
Light Sleeper: She's easily woken up by things.
Vegetarian: She has an intolerance to anything with meat in. Fortunately that shouldn't be too hard to deal with.

Clara strives to be an Illustrious Author, mastering the writing and painting skills. I guess she'll only want a part-time job.

Now that's over, I can set their relationship to each other. I could let them have a romantic relationship, but that wouldn't be much fun. No, they're brother and sister.

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

A Quick Note

So treat us all as equals, no matter what our quirks are.

It'll save us all a lot of bother, anyway.

(Hey, why not get the message out? (Yes, self.))

Saturday, 20 July 2013

A Thing I Hate: Windows 8

Windows 8 - 3 out of 10

Okay, maybe harsh, but still.

Windows 8 is mostly aimed at tablets and phones and stuff with a touch screen. Which is fine. They put it onto desktop computers and laptops. Not so good.

I don't really care how well it goes with the smart-tablet-electronics-stuff because I rarely ever use that stuff in the first place. According to classmates, my phone is ancient. I don't mind because its main function is to tell me the time where no clocks are found, and to send and receive texts. Maybe with the odd spam call or whatever. But a smartphone or tablet is worlds apart from a desktop computer. And having an operating system for a computer that's designed around the tablet market is like manufacturing dangerous spoon/fork crossbreeds as shown here. You end up with carnage and frustration.

Any operating system you have to google about to discover how to log off of the computer is probably not that user friendly. And they got rid of the start menu so you have to go to a different screen just to open a program. An update made my computer show the Blue Screen of Death every 5 minutes.

Let's just say that Windows 8 is really not the sort of thing you want if you want to like your computer. But you can access Task Manager by right-clicking that bar below your browser window. Just never end the task "Windows Explorer."

Just don't.

The charms menu is on the right hand side. You access it by swiping into either of the two right-hand corners. And then you have to move your mouse again to see the names of each function. Search for if you want to use anything on the computer. Share, because you really need to be able to do that so easily. Start, for all of the promoted apps. Yes, I do mean apps, remember this system is designed for smartphones. Devices, which doesn't look all that useful and doesn't fit in with all the other 's' names. Settings, for if you want to shut down or redesign a little.

And now, after a series of random different points, I shall say this: They say Vista wasn't good, but the ordinary user could navigate it. With 8, you're following a star, hoping against hope it's the right one.

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Maths: An Analysis

"But Maths is so haaaaard. Why are you doing this? I can't do Maths!"

That is where you are wrong, my friend. Maths isn't hard, and you can do it!

So what is Maths, anyway? First, it's knowing how to deal with a certain problem. I bet you know how to deal with this following problem:

See, you can do Maths! Even you, girl who declared she couldn't do it a lot in form when I was sitting next to you. Well done. Have a biscuit.

Secondly, it's knowing when to apply what you know, and knowing when not to apply it. The first and only step you did there was to re-arrange the numbers to get x=8.

But that won't work as a first step with

Here, you have to do something different. Add the two equations and you get 2x=34, so x=17. Then you substitute that value in one of the equations to get y=3. Or you could have subtracted them and got to the same ends.

Easy, right?

Maths: Basic knowledge, then expanding and developing that knowledge. SOH CAH TOA? The chocolate sprinkles on top of the froth on top of the trigonometry coffee. And you can blame one of my Maths teachers for that one.

Maths gives us charts:

That's how I spend my time.

Never say you can't do Maths. Anyone can do Maths.

"What's the point of Maths?"

It's the backbone of Science. You can have several equations that are simultaneous to fly aircraft. Well, 6.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

A Play and a Creep - But Mostly the Creep

In Year 10 as part of our Drama GCSE we went to see War Horse. We didn't know exactly what we were doing except watching War Horse at the New London Theatre. We didn't really know that the relevant work we'd be doing on it would be done over a year later, either.

It was a fantastic show (I recommend it to you if ever you have the opportunity to go!). Sound was a bit too much for me at times - I jumped a lot (so for the average range of people it should be fine). This was followed by an "Are you alright?" from the creepy guy sitting next to me.

Reverse and explain time.

There was a guy in my Drama class. Well, no, there were a couple of guys, but we are focusing on one. Derek.

Derek claimed to 'love' me.

Derek: Will you sit next to me on the coach to the theatre?

Me: (Not liking to sit next to people on coaches much) No.

Derek: Aww, please?

Me: Fine...

He tried to hold my hand a lot on that trip. I pulled away. Apart from not really wanting to hold hands, Derek's hand was not a very good sensory stimuli. It felt horrible and yucky.

If this was everything about him, I still wouldn't have minded it all that much. At that age I was all:

But Derek was also a total jerk - which is how he got unfriended and never friended again - hey, I'm making new terms! - on Facebook. Wait, three dashes in one sentence?! Even though he wanted to be refriended, what he really needed was slapping in the hope it'd get him into a sane mind or at least a nicely insane one.

Fortunately, War Horse captivated me so much I forgot about the person sitting next to me.

And I had my fun on the way back.

Me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...

Derek: What are you doing?

Me: Counting cars. 22, 23...

*some point later*

Derek: Could you stop that?

Me: (ignoring him) 666, 667, 668...

*A bit later*

Me: 999, 1000!

Derek: Finally, I might get a bit of peace!

Me: 1001, 1002...

(Okay, it wasn't exactly like that, but it's a fairly good representation! And I think I got to 1064, but that could just be my brain making stuff up)

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Links and More Links

Because two of my regular sites have gone all weird and are now 'The domain name has just been registered' with a load of shitty links. So, here is my thinking.

Watch Now (Netflix) - What am I supposed to be watching? Why do I want to watch it? Okay, I know what you do and all that. But I don't want to have your services particularly.

Tesco(TM) Value Kitchens - No thanks. I don't want a kitchen.

Gastric Band from £4,695 - Err.... that's a lot of money for something I don't give a shit about.

Ex Display Kitchens - No.

Static Caravans For Sale - Awww, can't I have a dynamic one?

Win Holiday in Cornwall - Because I have a particular need or want to go to Cornwall. (Sorry Cornish people, I'm just not that interested in your area all that much)

Sky TV - Official Site - What about it?

Italian Designer Kitchens - NO.

Man of Steel - in 3D - Why would anyone care?

How to Fix Slow Computer - Delete junk including temporary files and broken links and stuff. Don't let your desktop stay in Aero.

The Open University(TM) 2013 - The most interesting stuff so far. Thanks, but no thanks.

Properties in Switzerland - No thanks.

Esprit Ski Holiday deals - No thanks.

Skival - Catered Chalets - No thanks.

La Tania Ski Chalets - No thanks.

Over 50s Dating Website - Because you need online dating when you're over 50. I'm just over 200 in months, so do I count?

MTB Chalet Morzine - No thanks.

Audible Audio Books - I have Harry Potter CDs, I don't really need much more than that.

Loire Valley Gites France - Are you sure you've not just done a correcthorsebatterystaple type thing?

Riders Refuge - Morzine - It's a refuge for riders. I am not a rider. Hahaha.

Fun fun fun.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

I Like Talking about Random Words

So I shall do more of it. Continuing from here and here.

Pin: You are renowned for being painful. and shiny, but mostly painful. You can put things onto other things but you can't bloody well get away from that, can you?

You could hear a pin drop. But why would you want to? It's not exactly a musical note or anything. Pin drop solo? It would be one repetitive sound.

Target: My target here is to write stuff so that it gets out there. Although I'm not worried about that really. I just enjoy writing. Wave if you enjoy reading!

This is fun. Really fun. Really really fun. Or maybe I just like to play around with these text colours. Or these effects. I don't want you to read this. I do want you to read this.

Big text! Tiny text! Georgia text. Times. Verdana. Stop clicking on the wrong button.

Bubble: I'm forever blowing bubbles. 

I like living in my own bubble. It's a very nice comfortable place, as long as nobody invades it. It sort of shrinks and expands depending on environment and the people in that environment. 

Bubbles are round and they float around. You should play with bubbles.

Who needs to be adult when we've got bubbles?

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

There Was a Way Out, But I Didn't Know

It's time to get locked into a school building.

My old school was made up of a cluster of buildings. And a hut. There was the main building, the sports hall, the science block, the drama block, and the art block.

The drama block and the art block have misleading names. The 'Drama' block housed drama, textiles, cookery, and an IT room. The Art block housed art, woodwork/graphics, and some rooms for RE/Citizenship. And the upstairs area where two of three of the RE rooms were was also where my form room was.

Here is a little map of the area.

It's a map. There are doors and stuff.

That main area became a place to go when you got in quite a bit early, as I and Alice were both prone to do. And over time other people would come and go there as well.

Near the beginning, the teachers, or some of them, seemed very keen to lock us out of the area, in the freezing cold outside. Others were more likely to say "Hello" rather than "Get out."

But it soon became habit to check the other door, which wasn't very consistently locked or unlocked. This door was also a good check-place after a lunch break as the front door would often be locked over lunch.

One time, I decided to go upstairs rather than stay down below. This was also common for me. I could perch there and it would be relatively quiet. I could still hear if people were talking downstairs, and I could also see through a large window at all of the people below.

So this one day, I hear voices downstairs. Not uncommon. I see Alice leave the building. This also wasn't uncommon. Okay, so I did have a suspicion or two. But I disregarded any suspicion and carried on with looking out of the window.

It was only when I saw people looking at me and crowding around the area that I moved. I snatched up my bag and rushed down the stairs seriously hoping that it wasn't.

It was.

The door was locked. And my measly muscles couldn't open it. Panic set in.

Somebody mentioned the other way.

I rushed off to the other way.

But that was locked too.

I went back to the main way, and stood there. My mind was a mess of panic, more panic, even more panic, and the thought of fire.

That is how I got locked into a school building. And the ending was so dull that I'm not going to bother talking about it.

Let's just say that the teachers need to access their classrooms sometimes.

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Why You Don't Listen to Impulses

I grew up in a house which had a public path right next to it. Our garden led to this path, and many joyous hours were spent just cycling up and down the path. I loved that path a lot (although maybe not the dog poo that was there with a bag over it - that always caused a distraction to this tiny mind).

One evening, I was walking about the house, as you do. I saw that the front door was open.

I felt like having a run down that pathway and back. Be free to do it as I liked, without anyone else being there, dictating what we did, choosing me to be there. And then I'd be back as though nothing had ever happened, and life would go on as normal, unburnished and everything forgotten.

This projected image in my head, time to put action to words.

I ignored the fact that my parents outside looked all serious and possibly were arguing with each other, and that anything had been said in my direction. After all, I would be coming back, I'd be back in a couple of minutes, so I wasn't running away. I focused just on my run, rather than those silly words.

The run itself was liberating, exhilarating. It was the best run I'd ever had, and I loved each second of it. It released a fair amount of pent-up energy, which was good as back in those days, I was totally completely made up of energy.

It was when I'd got back to the house when everything went wrong. The door was shut, and I didn't have a key for it. How would I get in now?

Apparently I didn't have the mental capacity to knock on the fucking door. I looked at it for a few seconds, the destroyer of all hope and glory, and then, instead of doing the logical thing and hanging around the front of the house, I saw this as a sign of "You're not getting past me, hahahahaha," and turned around to go in the other direction.

I ambled around the neighbourhood, lost and confused. It was getting dark and cold now, and even with this lovely sweater I was wearing, I still felt the freezing-ness of the weather.

What do I do now? I thought, meandering around miserably. Where do I go? What about school?

Because of my lost-ness, I eventually ended up back at a place I recognised, by the corner shop (which had a pretty alarming thief alarm). I knew the way back home.

I decided to give it another shot, and started to walk down the road back.

At the head of the road, my father caught up with me in his car. He stopped right by me, and I got in, wondering if I'd be going back to his place.

No, we went a couple of metres down the road, and went in to home home. Moth took me to the back room and gave a fair argument for why not to run away, even saying that they'd nearly called the police and then I would have been in trouble.

And all for one impulsive run down a path.

Monday, 27 May 2013

The Difference

An annoying habit of some people. "Oh no, she can't be annoyed without being on her period..."

Thursday, 23 May 2013

This Comic is Brought to you by Literal-Mindedness

My literal-mindedness created a bird with a toffee beak. Somebody around here had to use the phrase "sticky beak"...

Sunday, 19 May 2013


Most of the world use faces as their means of identifying a person. Obviously if you can't see, you don't, but apart from that, the 'normal' person doesn't spend years confused because of one minor difference:

Horrendously bad drawings, but hopefully you get the picture.
You don't tend to wear a headscarf in PE (whether or not you do anywhere else) and plenty of girls at my old school did. it was years before voice recognition was effective in this situation and girls that I'd previously thought of as two different girls turned out to be the same bloody person. It was confusing to see people in PE you never saw anywhere else, particularly as they claimed to be in your form! And looking for somebody specific who wore a headscarf, when they had PE?

Mission Impossible.

And that's not even the worst bit.

That second one has definitely happened. I only realised it after she'd gone by (I'm calling her Quaver from now on) and left my line of sight. And not once, either. Twice.

I have come to the conclusion that maybe I'm a little face blind, and the harder to pronounce way of saying this to the same effect (added maybe with a little confusion), is prosopagnosia. It's easier to rely on headscarf, hair, general body shape, glasses, etcetera, than rely on anything else. Except cake, of course, but still.

So remember, don't change your hairstyle and still expect me to work out who you are in 2 seconds flat. Because you look so different since you've grown your hair out.

Sunday, 5 May 2013

Banana Fudge Soufflé, and Why I Should Get Adblock on this Computer

So I randomly searched "banana fudge souffle" (with quotes):

I think I've created my own term.

To make this delectable desert, eggs-stir-minute, bother your sister into making some fudge for you, grow a banana plant. Somehow put the soufflé, banana and fudge together in a way that is delectable. Enjoy.

Banana Fudge Soufflé (n): 1. A delectable desert to be consumed while one Waits for It.
2. A term used to convey annoyance (e.g. "Banana fudge soufflé, this TimeFrame changed from the last by 1 meagre pixel!")
3. A triplet of euphemisms (I'll leave that one to your imaginations)
4. Something you'd say when seeing this ad:

Banana fudge soufflé, I am not that old!
But is far too mild for this horror:

I'm just going off for some counselling...

5. A sign that the post in question isn't serious/coherent/the opposite of random.

Saturday, 4 May 2013

Terms and Cakeditions

Not many people are diligent about reading things such as Terms and Conditions, Acceptable Use policies, etcetera etcetera. I have myself just ticked the box saying "I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions." Tick.

It's pretty basic stuff anyway. Don't use this for copyright infringement/commercial purposes/making banana fudge soufflé. Age limits.

"If you are under 13 please refrain from using this site." Yes, because 12 year olds are really going to read the Terms of Use of a site. How many 12 year olds (and younger!) will bump up their age to access things on the net?

'Sorry' you can't see my pathetic drawing skills.
That's one of my sisters. I'm calling her Semibreve.

Terms and Conditions are everywhere. If they don't already (and that is very likely given how many cakes are wrecked), they'll soon have them for buying cake. I think that would be fun. I think this paragraph was just to justify the title. Cake.

I don't know how to end here. It is likely important to read all of those T&Cs, in case it means that the company are permitted to rob your home and sell all your contents on eBay if you sign on that dotted line.

Please Sign Here:..........................................................................................................

(In signing this we at this blog are super-entitled to make fun out of you, invade your privacy settings and general privacy, include you in superlatively crazy drabbles and sneak on you to your teachers if you put one single atom(ic bomb) out of line. You are warned that you may want to emigrate to somewhere outside the UK so we cannot hound you nearly as much. Terms and Cakeditions apply.)

Wednesday, 1 May 2013


Time. Wait for it.

I have been enraptured by Time ever since I first found it on xkcd. The beautiful simplicity of it, the mystery and excitement from every regular update, the way it just has taken over all of my spare time.

It is just so real. You want to know what happens next in the comic and in life, yet you can't help but be a little bit afraid of what it may bring. To know what happens, all you can do is follow the One Commandment: wait for it.

I shall wait for Time,whatever happens, and I hope for it to go on forever.

I also hope the sea isn't made out of caffeinesemencancerbabies, but that is more to do with the complete insanity of the One True Thread, rather than anything to do with the One True Comic.

There is a very helpful tool and there is a whole wiki dedicated to it.

But let's just wait for it.

Saturday, 6 April 2013

Advert Interview

Seeing as adverts ask a lot of questions, let's answer them! Yaaaay!

 A lot. Why? Is it something a teenager needs to know particularly?

There's one at college I can use if I need to. I've still got most of the free credit anyway. Plus, what do I need to photocopy in the first place? A chocolate bar?

They should make a photocopier that can recreate chocolate bars. It would be amazingly brilliant. Mmmmm, chocolate...

A billion pounds, forever. An infinite number of days.

I'm no leader, or even a follower. Business means you have to always project a wonderful image of yourself and your company. Plus, tomorrow is Sunday and I hate to commit to anything on a weekend.

Nah. I have enough time to look at your advert.

Actually, no. You might know my partner.

You want my partner's name, do you? It's Maths. I am dedicated more to Maths than any human being.

Not really. I don't have to bother about that.

There we go, the interview that the ads have given. Very lovely.

Saturday, 30 March 2013

10 Hints, Tips, and Notes to Ignore if You Feel Like It

1. Procrastinating means tight deadlines. Unless there are no deadlines. So if you're going to procrastinate, only do it when there are deadlines.

2. Wait that half-hour or hour. If it culminates in something exciting or interesting, then you will have got something good out of the wait. If it resolves in one darkening pixel, then you know you're patient.

3. Find the unwritten social rules. Write them down.

4. Radians are a measure of angles in fractions of pi. Degrees are a measure of angles that are not fractions of pi. They are both set ups on your calculator.

5. Always accept chocolate unless you have any reason to suspect that it is laced with drugs. And don't offend drabblers either.

6. You can manage to read over 400,000 words in a night. What you can't do is remember it.

7. Don't argue with that classmate about sarcasm. You're so obviously right about it, after all.
Sarcasm aside, you only notice it when it's about as obvious as a dancing giraffe in a brightly-coloured leotard doing the Macarena right up close to your face. It otherwise isn't there or just washes over your head.

8. You can write sarcasm without meaning to, so it's obvious that you aren't cut out for it.

9. "Who can't take a joke?!" when referring to yourself or anyone else should be countered with "Thousands of people really, from those who can't recognise one to those who just think that kind of thing stupid in the extreme," rather than silence.

10. You can make the future brighter or you can make it really horrible. Your choices determine what will happen. You can plan but that doesn't mean that those plans will ever be put into action. Your life depends on you for the most part.

Friday, 8 March 2013

International Woman's Day


I don't think there's a men's day, we should add one in so they can't whinge about it like little kids.

The most remarkable adults in my life excluding relatives have tended to be teachers. They say, well, write, 'If you can read this, thank a teacher.' and I will, if I ever become one.

If all of the males in the world died right now, then the women could still carry on life with sperm banks etc. and life would go on because the new males would survive and thrive. If all of the females died right now then goodbye humanity.

I have a female body. Certain parts of it are unlikely to be used because I really don't want them to.


(I have no idea what I was going to write next, oh well)

If I ever want a man it'll be one who can do all the home management while I go to work. But that is the question.

Ladies, you can be anything you want to be, whether it be a scientist, doctor, fisherman, well, women, or a housewife. You choose your role and if you want to be a housewife that is as good as if you want to be a neuroscientist, because, after all, it is your choice.

So choose wisely and let's, uh, celebrate?

Sunday, 3 March 2013

A Spot of Music

I made this one earlier.

The site tool called Tonematrix is pretty cool and easy to use - all you need is your mouse. It's one instrument though, so if you don't like it's melodious notes I doubt it's for you.

Have fun!

Monday, 11 February 2013

When Subjects Correlate

Further Maths contains a unit of Mechanics.

Physics also contains a unit of Mechanics.

You have Physics first and then afterwards you have the Mechanics bit of Further Maths (or Maths with Mechanics). In Physics the lesson goes along the lines of forces. 4 specific forces are gone through. Then you go off and do Maths. The lesson starts with those same 4 forces. And then goes on to do something we've already done in Physics.

And future stuff we'll be doing in Physics has been done in Maths.

This is going to be fun.

Well, it won't be as much revision.

And also some bits will be different in each subject.

For a start, Further Pure, Statistics, and the use of trigonometry. Plus what is or isn't available on the formula page (Physics) or in the formula book (FM)

I've rambled around for too long now about something that doesn't affect anyone too badly or has any relevance. I'm just going to go and do some other stuff.

Monday, 4 February 2013

Spam Call Monday; How Can I Help?

The vibrating vooms of my phone reach only me and the person who sits next to me in Maths, and even then she can't tell its direction. How do I know this?

Why, because it is Spam Call Monday.

A very interesting pattern has occurred for a while now, and that is the spam spam spam spam I receive near the end of a two-and-a-half hour break or in the lesson after this time. It occurs frequently but not every Monday.

(Psst! Want some spam?)

Funnily enough, those calls never get responded to. And then, when one Googles to see where these wretched calls are coming from, guess what?

You've guessed it.

(If you haven't, note this previous post and put two and two together. And make 22)

Ooh, wow, insurance for 49p!

(That one was one on the landline rather than to my mobile)

(Apparently it lasted 0 seconds)

Maybe they're not all PPI which came out ages and ages and ages ago.

But still.

Thursday, 31 January 2013

Welcome to IT

(This is from an IT class when I was in Year 9. The questions being asked are too superlatively easy, dull, what-have-you, so I'm answering them. This class later turned into what-I-call a nightmare class, where it just got so bad that you didn't get any benefit from it. And yes, I have used the format from the Not Always series, but it works)

Classmate: You're on fire!

(I look down.)

Me: No, I'm not.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

A Start

For some reason I feel like writing fiction. Why not?

The landscape was dry, dull. The travellers were weary and tired. They had travelled on foot for days and days, miles and miles, far far away from the village which had chased them out.

"I'm hungry," the youngest said. "I'm tired. Why can't we go back, Mummy? Where are we going?"

"It won't be long," the kindly voice replied. "It won't be long, I promise,"

"But long until what?"

The woman did not say anything.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

*Fun* with Omegle

Warning: the link ahead isn't really suitable for under-13s to go on. The people there can often be immature adults.

I did an experiment on I did it in question mode as the questioner and all I did was display a statistic. That statistic was relevant to my time on Omegle. (I let Omegle re-use if it was good enough - which I don't think it is - so if you get any statistic, say hi). I changed the parameters of what I was counting a couple of times, and I've got the end result of 300 conversations here:

Number of conversations: 93 Instant Disconnects: 207

(If at least 1 stranger doesn't say anything before the disconnect then it is an Instant disconnect)

Things I noticed:

- Everyone who referred to my gender thought I was male. I'm not - I'm Statistics girl to the rescue!
- If the conversation got long or uncomfortable enough, I'd be disconnecting.

People did say some interesting stuff.

Stranger 2: is this a question?

I don't know - are my statistics a question?

Stranger 2: Thats not a question
Stranger 1: Exactly, Stranger.

There you are then. I think it's clear.

Stranger 1: maybe if you asked more interesting questions OP
Stranger 1: or any question for that matter

I was just giving you a statistic. I didn't care if you actually did it or not.

Stranger 1: what are supposed to say to this? :p

Whatever you like - I don't care really.


There we are then, case closed.

Stranger 2: who gives a shit?
Stranger 1: Not me
Stranger 2: cant really blame people for disconnecting
Stranger 2: this isnt even a proper question

I said: case closed.

And I'm not blaming anybody.

I'll give you some more soon!

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Truth or Dare

You could go for the truth...

Me: Truth.

Semibreve: Okay. What's your secret?

Me: Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...........................
I don't think I've got one.

Semibreve: But you must do, because everyone has a secret.

Me: Okay... I don't like going in the water at swimming pools? [I lied.]

Crotchet: That's not a secret.

...But then when you haven't an answer for the question set, you're looking at an awkward moment.

So, you could go for dare...

Classmate: I dare you kiss that boy over there.

Me: *goes to do so having seen other people do dares*

*ends up looking mental to some poor victim*

...but you could be asked to do anything.

The best way is to avoid it altogether...

Person: But it's bad luck not to accept!/Oh, you're no fun.

I've never done this but this is the result I've seen.

Looking like a good person socially has never been more difficult and embarrassing.

So, what would you choose?

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

Happy New Year!

New resolution: To write more stuff. For you guys. Hope you enjoy that stuff once it's written or even drawn.

ETA - Seeing as many of you want alphabet letters music notes I have decided to make you some and so here you go:

I know it isn't professional, but what do you expect?
From me.