Spam Call Monday; How Can I Help?

The vibrating vooms of my phone reach only me and the person who sits next to me in Maths, and even then she can't tell its direction. How do I know this?

Why, because it is Spam Call Monday.

A very interesting pattern has occurred for a while now, and that is the spam spam spam spam I receive near the end of a two-and-a-half hour break or in the lesson after this time. It occurs frequently but not every Monday.

(Psst! Want some spam?)

Funnily enough, those calls never get responded to. And then, when one Googles to see where these wretched calls are coming from, guess what?

You've guessed it.

(If you haven't, note this previous post and put two and two together. And make 22)

Ooh, wow, insurance for 49p!

(That one was one on the landline rather than to my mobile)

(Apparently it lasted 0 seconds)

Maybe they're not all PPI which came out ages and ages and ages ago.

But still.

A Letter to PPI Companies

Dear PPI companies,

Please stop being such utter jerks.

You have texted me, saying that I'd be rich if I claimed on PPI I couldn't have got. You have littered the minutes of TV advertisements with your claims that money has been put aside for me even though my 16-18 Current Account does not allow me an overdraft because of my age.

And now you're using internet advertising‽‽‽

(Those are interrobangs, people, that are often found in ?! form)

Arrrrgh!!!!!!!!

This is what I want to say to you in simple plain English that you should be able to understand, and made funky so you don't have a chance of missing it.

Please Stop.

I am fed up with you. If the whole stupid PPI stupidity had ever affected me, I could go to my bank for free. And that's what I would do if I had taken out anything - which, as you should be aware, isn't very possible.

In fact, Google PPI. Everything you get is about PPI claims. It's not about what PPI is, or if PPI is a good option on the loan you're just about to get, or even other insurance you could use instead of PPI.

And it says I'm in Swindon!

So, stop making me want to tear my hair out and weave it into a rug. My mental health is more important than your unregulated businesses.

Yours faithfully,

Minim.

Ad Preferences Manager

So today I decided to look at my Ad Preferences and see what Google thinks I'm interested in, based on the sites I go to on Google Chrome on my netbook. These are the results:

A bit of a disappointment, needless to say. I do enjoy comics and anims, and the odd flash game, and I can see why they would think I like games (I am addicted to this one, at least, not to mention all of the free logic puzzles on Conceptis!), but as for the rest of them...? I don't remember doing anything with Business and personal listings, Microwaves, Dairy & Eggs, or Cooking Fats and Oils (these are just a special type of ester, aren't they?) I don't know what the penultimate one is, so what am I to say about that?

But TV Commercials????? That is just insane. I don't even call them 'Commercials', I call them adverts, and they are dead annoying. I only stand TV Ads as the point in time to go to the toilet or get a drink or to stand as they mercilessly bugger me to death (the Go Compare man, anyone? I got happy joyful pleased ecstatic in the more recent one where he gets shot). But they are necessary to be dealt with.

Because they are the source of money for the TV companies. We wouldn't want to have to pay for them, would we?

Guess What?

I am owed £1970 because of PPI. Even though I've never had a credit card, mortgage, or whatever you needed to be missold it. But apparently, records show it.

[block number]

[save]

[inbox]

[delete message]

PPI, stop clogging up my phone. Even if I rarely use it, I don't want to get all excited to find your messages instead of a real text. Especially when I'm doing something like watching weird videos or dealing with my Sim's needs. (Even if I am a cheat and turn off motive decay, they still have wishes!) I don't want to have a lousy time at a Hitori puzzle because you came along, nor do I wish to have to listen to your fictions when there are much more interesting and worthwhile stories out there that can teach you how to deal with rickets and stuff.

Now stop bothering me, and go away.

No - not you, audience! I only meant those PPI companies who mysteriously manage to get my number and text me.

I bet you've had texts from these companies as well. Go on - say so.